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Letting the fresh air in part 2: The power of forgiveness

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Letting the fresh air in part 2 The power of forgiveness

Hello Friends, hopefully you have read the part 1 to the article and have been able to activate the power of gratitude during this first week of May.

In the previous post, I discussed how the theme for the month is “Letting the fresh air in” and we analyzed this using the penthouse analogy. To summarize the analogy, “the penthouse” is your mind and the “fresh air” is the unlimited abundance of spirit (love and gratitude) around us and within us.  In my previous article I focused on one half of “letting the fresh air in” which is, by activating the power of gratitude. The barriers between the penthouse and the fresh air are your “floor to ceiling windows” (windows of perception/focus). One of the most effective ways of opening up our windows of perception to abundant positive energy and love is through active gratitude. Did you write down a gratitude list yet? Have you created a daily gratitude practice for yourself? In case you haven’t, you can check out the part 1 of this post for suggested activities for increasing your awareness of gratitude.

In this article, we would focus on the other half of “letting the fresh air in” which is activating the power of forgiveness (letting go of guilt and judgement of self and others). Using our analogy once again, how do we maintain a fresh and beautiful smell within our penthouse suite? Besides opening up the “floor to ceiling windows” to let in the fresh air, we also have to get rid of the “lingering odors and foul smells” within the penthouse. The lingering odors and foul smells are the complaints, negative thoughts, self-talk, feelings, and outcomes we hold on to that are not aligned with our highest levels of well-being. In essence we must take out any old or discarded items we don’t need, do a deep clean and take out the trash.  

How do we get rid of the lingering odors and foul smells (let go of guilt and judgement of self and others?) We do this by activating the power of forgiveness.

We are 5 months into the year and may have had some up and down experiences. We may have let ourselves down or have been let down by others. We may have fallen short of some personal goals we hoped to have achieved or maybe, certain outcomes we hoped for have not yet manifested. Life may have challenged us in ways that have caused us to hold negative emotions towards ourselves and others. Holding on to these negative emotions limits our well-being and limits us from experiencing the fullness of our potential in the present moment.

We have to reflect and become aware of all the areas in our life, we criticize and judge ourselves harshly. We have to forgive ourselves for all our mistakes and shortcomings and we have to commit to doing the same towards others, especially the people closest to us in our personal lives. To understand why this is important here is my definition of forgiveness from my book “21 Affirmations: Igniting a positive mental reset”

“Forgiveness to me is the ability to understand, let go and move on from unpleasant events and situations, in order to create room for more pleasant ones. It requires an understanding the all human beings are imperfect and prone to mistakes. It requires humility, empathy and compassion, which comes naturally if you live in gratitude as a state of being”

Forgiveness allows us to create space for new possibilities and outcomes to manifest in the present moment while holding on to grudges keeps us chained to old patterns and experiences. We often try to control every detail of how our life manifests. The more we learn to live and operate from a state of gratitude the more we would learn to trust the process of how our lives unfold. The ability to forgive ourselves and others allows us to constantly move with renewed energy towards our visions and goals. It also allows us to experience the fullness of our internal and external well-being in the present moment.

It is very key at this stage in the year to make sure your channels of perception aren’t blocked by negative thoughts, negative self-talk and negative emotions. Activating the power of gratitude and the power of forgiveness are 2 practical mindfulness tools we can use to renew our energy and bring clarity to our channels of perception.

Check out my book “21 Affirmations: Igniting a positive mental reset” for action steps you can take to activate the power of gratitude and the power of forgiveness in every area of your life. I am currently running a “Self-help package promo” where you can purchase the 21 Affirmations eBook and the well-being toolkit for just $15 only!

The “Well-being tool kit” works as a self-coaching manual for observing and managing the action steps for manifesting your highest level of well-being! It works hand in hand as a playbook for the book 21 Affirmations.

Link to purchase and download: 21 AFFIRMATIONS SELF-HELP PACKAGE

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Letting the fresh air in. Part 1

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Letting the fresh air in (Part 1) Refreshing your mind and your emotions through forgiveness.

 

Hello friends and welcome to the 5th month of the year! The mental theme for this month is: Letting the fresh air in! To explain what I mean by this I would like to use this analogy:

Imagine that your mind is a luxury penthouse condominium in downtown Chicago, furnished according to your highest taste and desire, with floor to ceiling windows. For the most part of the year so far, you have had to keep your windows shut due to the freezing weather outside. The air in your penthouse has been ventilated using only the central air condition to keep the inside of your apartment warm and cozy.  You keep the condo smelling good with quality fragrances and incense but every now and then you still find that you have to go outside to get some fresh air. Now it is approaching summer time and you can finally open your beautiful floor to ceiling windows and slide open the balcony door to allow some natural fresh air to flow through your penthouse! You can finally get rid of any old smells or lingering odors in your penthouse that do not serve its highest purpose or that you simply want to get rid of!

  • “The penthouse” is your mind
  • “The floor to ceiling windows” are your windows of perception (Your focus (eyes, ears, thoughts, words and feelings) and your heart disposition)
  • “The freezing cold” are the challenges you may experience through the year
  • “The central air condition” is your guiding beliefs and principles
  • “The incense/fragrances” are the blessings you can count or have counted (gratitude)
  • “Fresh air” is the unlimited abundance of the spirit (gratitude and love) that is within us and all around us
  • “Lingering odors” are complaints, feelings, thoughts and outcomes that are not in line with your highest well-being

 

So how do you let the fresh air (the abundance of spirit) back into your penthouse (your mind)? Instead of focusing on or complaining about the lingering smells you do not like (events, thoughts, emotions and outcomes), we can simply open up the floor to ceiling windows (eyes, ears, and heart) to allow the old odors out and the fresh new air (abundance, love and gratitude) in! To bring this analogy home to this blog post, we let the fresh air in by activating the power of gratitude and the power of letting go of guilt and judgement of our self and others. These are powerful ways to refresh your mental and emotional health by eliminating any self-imposed negative blocks (thoughts and emotions that aren’t aligned with your highest well-being and intentions) from your nervous system.  In this article we would focus on activating the power of gratitude by looking at how to feel gratitude as your natural state of being.

If you ask the average adult if they are a grateful person, chances are they will respond with a yes. Most adults have been conditioned since child hood to say “Thank you” when someone shows them any form of kindness, lends them a helping hand or gives them something they consider valuable. In essence, the average adult has been programmed to see gratitude as an action, a response to some form of external good. Having this form of gratitude is good, but it makes us solely dependent on external events to feel grateful. Therefore, when perceived good things happen you can feel grateful but when perceived bad things (things not going your way) happen, you become ungrateful as you believe there isn’t any other outcome to recognize. This limits your ability to recognize opportunities and your ability to grow as a person.

In the chapter “Becoming aware of gratitude” in my book “21 Affirmations: igniting a positive mental reset,” I discuss how the game changer for me was shifting from understanding and showing gratitude only as an action in response to external events, to feeling gratitude and understanding it as my natural state of being. I explain in detail how that shift happened for me and the benefits of becoming aware of it.

 

“I define gratitude as a state of being where we begin to recognize the abundance that already exists within us and feel happiness, peace and contentment as our natural state, with or without, external events. It teaches us to lose our dependency on other people, events and things to feel happiness and to learn to be the happiness and peace we want to receive from the world”

 

We begin to become aware of gratitude as our natural state of being, the more we begin to practice active gratitude, which is gratitude generated by our awareness, versus relying on responsive gratitude, which is gratitude in response to external events. We generate gratitude by awareness every time we recognize a reason to be grateful in the present moment. Bringing our awareness to something within us or around us in the present moment and realizing a reason to be grateful for it.

For example, right now I am grateful for the concentrated thoughts that are forming this article. I do not have to wait for a million people to read it first, I am grateful for the ability to create it and share it. I am grateful for my body and for air to breathe. This is an example of active gratitude. Responsive gratitude would be if I wrote this article and became anxious, until I got my first 100 views and 5 positive comments, before I began to be able to feel grateful for writing it.

As adults we go through different challenges in life and it is normal to feel overwhelmed with negative emotions over time. In order to manage our energy efficiently, we have to discover healthy ways that work for us, to release these negative emotions. If the only way we know how to release our negative emotions is by complaining about them, we end up filling ourselves even more with negative energy. In order to truly let the fresh air in we must find activities that allow us to honor our feelings, express our feelings and to let them go. We also have to become intentional about reducing our complaints and practicing active gratitude.

My challenge to you this month is to practice active gratitude daily and to be intentional about avoiding complaining. Do not be hard on yourself when you find yourself complaining, just try to replace the complaint with a thought of gratitude. To keep the air fresh inside your penthouse you have to be mindful of the smells and odors you allow guests to bring into it. We must learn to set healthy boundaries for people around us that want to focus on complaining and negative outcomes.

Activities for increasing your awareness of gratitude

  • Make a habit of saying positive words of affirmation to your body parts and yourself as a whole
  • Make a habit of saying thank you and I love you to your body parts (Thank your organs and body parts for supporting you in your experience of life)
  • Write down your personal gratitude list of everything you are grateful for in life (update it over time and read it)
  • Create a daily gratitude practice for yourself (reflect on at least 5 reasons you are grateful for everyday
  • Create a daily gratitude challenge with family and close friends (each person comes up with 3-5 reasons for being grateful every day)

Healthy activities for releasing emotion

  • Journaling: writing down your feelings from your personal experiences in a notebook
  • Prayer
  • Meditation
  • Crying
  • Listening to music
  • Gym, sports and recreation
  • Spending time in nature
  • Creative expression
  • Getting an accountability partner, support group or joining a community
  • Working with a life coach
  • Working with a therapist

 

Look out for part 2 where I discuss more on how to let the fresh air in through practical mindfulness activities focused around letting go of guilt and judgement. You can read about these in more detail in my book “21 Affirmations: igniting a positive mental reset”

 

Link to purchase a Hard copy: https://www.amazon.com/21-Affirmations-Igniting-positive-mental/dp/B09LGW4PT7/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=

Link to purchase the eBook version: https://paystack.com/buy/21-affirmations-igniting-a-positive-mental-reset-orkyev

 

To comment on this post, join my private community Society of Freedom Thinkers (SOFT)

On WhatsApp: https://chat.whatsapp.com/FaN43gwWrRTCKgrUdAgDZz

On Telegram: https://t.me/+du-ySnTd9ntjYWJk

Are you one of us?

Checkout the site shop for tools to help achieve your highest level of well-being!

 

Money belief breakdown

Fears that block the manifestation of wealth

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Fears that block the manifestation of wealth and abundance Identifying fears that create limited beliefs ad experiences

Hello Friends,

Happy Ramadan to our Muslim readers and Happy Easter to our Christian readers! I genuinely hope everyone is having a peaceful and abundant time with their loved ones.

If you are part of, or have been keeping up with the community, you will be aware that we are currently running the “21 positive wealth downloads” program designed to help you reprogram a new relationship with money and abundance. Today is day 14 of the program and I am extremely grateful for the participation and feedback so far. We have been running this activity within our WhatsApp community forum “MONEY DOWNLOADS” and via Instagram (@supremekingblink & @susieiliyan) as well.

Fear is one of, if not THE greatest block, to manifesting wealth, abundance and true fulfilment in life! It stops us from experiencing the fullness of life in every area of life. Fear limits our experience of our own potential and the abundant potential for expansion that this world has to offer.

In order to truly reprogram our mind to establish a new relationship with money and abundance, we must become aware of all the unconscious fears and negative beliefs that influence and shape our feelings, thoughts and actions towards money. There is a plethora of fears that can possibly block us from manifesting wealth and abundance by limiting our perspective of wealth and limiting our power to take decisive action towards manifesting it. In this article I illustrate 21 major fears that can block us from manifesting wealth and abundance. These 21 major fears, can be traced to 4 major root causes and in order to clearly illustrate the relationship between them I have created a mind map!

Overarching block: Fear

4 major root causes of this block:

1) Anxiety:

  1. Fear of competition
  2. Fear of challenges/obstacles
  3. Fear of time
  4. Stage fright/fear of exposure
  5. Fear of change (within and without)

2) Shame

  1. Fear of being ridiculed/laughed at
  2. Fear of being too young/old
  3. Fear of being seen struggling
  4. Fear of being seen as broke
  5. Fear of being seen as a novice/fear of asking for help
  6. Imposter syndrome

3) Guilt/judgement

  1. Fear of rejection
  2. Fear of what other people will say/think
  3. Fear of being yourself
  4. Fear of being misunderstood

4) Lack of trust

  1. Fear of failure
  2. Fear of uncertainty
  3. Fear of lack/scarcity
  4. Fear of risk
  5. Fear of bad luck/jinx
  6. Fear of collaboration

The goal of this mind map is to help you become aware of the possible root causes and limitations that currently affect your ability to manifest wealth and abundance in your reality. Through the “21 positive wealth downloads” program, we have been going through a questionnaire/journal exercise designed to help participants discover the people, events and life experiences that have shaped their core concept of wealth, which has shaped their current relationship with and experience of wealth and abundance. We have also been helping our participants to create new feelings regarding money and abundance through the daily downloads. I am also currently working on a concise eBook/worksheet focused on helping people overcome restrictive money beliefs and to release negative money blocks! I believe this is extremely important for those of us in Nigeria, who are bombarded with constant messaging and imagery of lack and poverty. We live in an extremely abundant land but are surrounded by abject poverty of the mind! I am confident that the “21 positive wealth downloads” program and workshop as well as the forthcoming eBook will become a powerful resource for many to quantum leap from lack to abundance!

If you will like to receive the 21 downloads and the 21 journal exercise questions as a PDF, email “MONEY DOWNLOAD” team@thematrixbuster.com and we will send it to you at the end of the challenge. If you will like to invest in money belief coaching or Theta healing you can email “MONEY BELIEFS” to blink@thematrixbuster.com

Definitions:

Core concept of wealth: Your core concept of wealth generation is your core belief about money, how it should be generated and managed in order to have a satisfying life. This concept will be shaped by your core experiences in life between the ages of 0-18 and will be predominantly shaped by your parents, family members and the society you grew up in.

Downloads: Downloads are energetic packets of information, feelings and knowledge that originate directly from the supreme Creator (God). When we download feelings, we are forming cell receptors in our brains to receive new emotions or feelings that we want to create. Downloads can teach us new ways of feeling and being, instantly!

One love

Blink

To comment on this post, join my private community Society of Freedom Thinkers (SOFT)

On WhatsApp: https://chat.whatsapp.com/FaN43gwWrRTCKgrUdAgDZz

On Telegram: https://t.me/+du-ySnTd9ntjYWJk

Visit my coaching page for 1-1 coaching packages

Checkout the site shop for tools to help achieve your highest level of well-being!

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5 powerful ways to Re-focus and realign for the 2nd quarter

5 powerful ways to Re-focus and realign for the 2nd quarter How to regain mental clarity after election season

Hello Friends, I hope you are doing well. At the beginning of the year, I mentioned that 2023 would be an extra-ordinary year for all of us. The year has begun with abundant opportunities, but it has also come with unique set of challenges that can distract us from focusing on these abundant opportunities. We started off the year reflecting on our intentions and creating vision boards for the goals we want to manifest, sometimes these challenges can cast a shade of doubt over us. Even if we have been keeping up with our daily self-care routines, it is still possible for the stress in our environment to have a negative effect on our mind and body especially in times of crisis.

How do we refocus and realign with our goals in the midst of the distractions and challenges of the year? It is important to create intentional ways for reconnecting with your inner intelligence and guidance. It is easy to get drawn into listening to the media, the news and the market (the world) more than you listen to your inner guidance and intelligence.

“For we live by faith not by sight” is a quote from 2 Corinthians 5:7, that I have heard many times growing up in Nigeria. The way this phrase is interpreted by most people would make it seem illogical because it seems to be fueled by fantasy. When you become awake to the fact that you are responsible for manifesting the life you experience as your reality, you will become aware that you are meant to be guided by your own imagination(inner-intelligence), because what you see as your personal reality is the result of it. So being guided by your external experience is misleading and limiting when it comes to manifesting the life you want! This is why even in times of crisis, there are people who still succeed in manifesting their intentions, because they are able to focus on their imagination over their environment (the world). This to me is the basic universal definition of faith:

“Complete trust in the communication and guidance of your inner-intelligence, regardless of the presence of any external validation.” Kome Agose

Our deepest desires are communicated to us by the core of our being. The things that we find ourselves being drawn to are ALWAYS possible if we allow ourselves to be led by our inner intelligence without fear and doubt. Sometimes we just need to clean up our energy from the debris of doubt, worry, anxiety and fear being communicated to us by the world, in order to realign with the feeling of trust in the manifestation of our intentions.

Here are some intentional ways we can reconnect with our inner- intelligence in order to refocus and realign with our intentions!

 

1) Reading an inspiring book

A book is a very great way to gain a shift in perspective in any moment in time. It can get you to see life in ways you have never seen it before and to trigger new experiences of reality that help you to elevate mentally, emotionally, spiritually and even physically. It is a great way to re-spark your inner light by connecting with the energy of another light bearer! Now is a great time to read my book 21 Affirmations: Igniting a positive mental reset! It is an easy guide to manifesting your highest level of well-being.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09LRGFXV9

2) Connecting with a mentor

Connecting with a mentor or with a person whose way of life inspires you is a great way to elevate your energy and excitement for the year again. They may have valuable life experience they can share with you that will give you the confidence to be resilient and to remain grateful as the year unfolds.  You can schedule a phone call, a coffee date or lunch with one of you mentors today! The more honest and vulnerable you are with your mentor the more value you will get out of them.

Copyright: Yuri_Arcurs

 

3) Going for a spiritual or mental retreat

This is such a powerful way to reset your mind, body and spirit! In this day and age, we are overloaded with information and bombarded with all types of vibrations from technology which accumulates to keep us very disconnected from our mind, body and spirit. We are also always constantly on the move to make money and pay bills, which ends up occupying most of our waking hours. This disconnection manifests as a lack of clarity towards our true desires, demotivation towards our goals, anxiety and a lack of confidence when we face challenges. I strongly believe that everybody can benefit from taking time out to intentionally disconnect from devices, the media, the market and city life. Taking this time off to reconnect with yourself in nature is a powerful way to realign you with your intentions and the unlimited energy and motivation to manifest them.  

 

I would be organizing mindfulness and spiritual retreats for the community this year and I will also share ones that I believe with resonate with the MB community as well.

4) Going for a short get away

This is similar to going for a spiritual retreat. You can go for long walk, a hike on the beach, a road trip to a nearby town. Taking a short break from your usual atmosphere to spend time in nature. Go to the beach, sit by a lake, walk in the forest or conservation center. Sit outside in a garden and walk around barefoot in it. Contemplate the beauty, the sounds, the shapes and the environment. Listen to the sounds and let your consciousness wonder with them.

 

5) Working with a coach

Working with a coach will help you to realign with your intentions by helping you to validate the experiences you’ve been having, to see your challenges from a different perspective and to identify the strengths you have to overcome them. A coach will help you to perform at your highest-level by keeping your accountable to the goals you want to achieve and the actions you agreed to take in order to achieve them. Great performers in all works of life work with great coaches.

Check out my 1-1 coaching packages at www.thematrixbuster.com/coaching

One love,

Blink

To comment on this post, join my private community Society of Freedom Thinkers (SOFT)

On WhatsApp: https://chat.whatsapp.com/FaN43gwWrRTCKgrUdAgDZz

On Telegram: https://t.me/+du-ySnTd9ntjYWJk

Visit my coaching page for 1-1 coaching packages

Checkout the site shop for tools to help achieve your highest level of well-being!

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A letter from your body

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A letter from your body Personal security part 2

In my previous article I discussed personal security and the factors that shape our feelings of personal security, as we grow from children to adults. We discovered that in order to feel safe in the world we must start by feeling safe within our own body, which can only be achieved through activating self-awareness (spending time observing the whole of ourselves in order to discover our needs and to honor). When we feel safe in our body, we gain the freedom to act in true alignment with our intentions and purpose in life.

Here is a letter from your body to you, thanking you for honoring its requirement for personal security. You can use this letter to bring your mind and body into harmony, using the power of gratitude and positive affirmations. It is a simple tool to reinforcing mind-body connection.

I encourage you to give yourself a “Self-hug” (as depicted below) as you read through this letter.

 

Dear (YOUR NAME),

Thank you for thinking positive thoughts about me and for holding positive intentions towards me. Thank you for speaking to me respectfully. Thank you for encouraging me and speaking positive words of affirmations to me. Thank you for prioritizing me and striving to build consistent healthy routines with me. Thank for listening to me. Thank you for striving to discover my physical, mental, spiritual and emotional needs and to honor them. Thank you for being patient with me as I grow into different versions of myself, through different seasons of life. Thank you for being accepting of the different versions of me. Thank you for allowing me to gradually discover the fullness of myself without judging me. Thank you for learning to appreciate me and my development without comparing me to others. Thank you for being gentle and accepting of my areas of vulnerability. Thank you for striving to heal my wounds. Thank you for setting healthy boundaries for me and for protecting me. Thank you for allowing me to express the full range of my emotions without resistance and harsh judgement. Thank you for making me feel heard and seen.

Thank you for not demonizing my desire for pleasure. Thank you for honoring my pleasures.  Your pleasure is MY pleasure. Thank you for not restricting my freedom. Thank you for allowing me to explore life. Thank you for making every part of me, feel safe. Thank you for accepting all of me. Thank you for NEVER giving up on me. I love you

From the love of your life.

Your body

Link to download the letter as a PDF: Letter from your body

To comment on this post, join my private community Society of Freedom Thinkers (SOFT)

On WhatsApp: https://chat.whatsapp.com/FaN43gwWrRTCKgrUdAgDZz

On Telegram: https://t.me/+du-ySnTd9ntjYWJk

Visit my coaching page for 1-1 coaching packages

Checkout the site shop for tools to help achieve your highest level of well-being!

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Personal security and how it affects your manifestations!

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Personal security and how it affects your manifestations!

What comes to mind when you think of personal security? For most people, it is finances, a comfortable home in a secure location, a good career, family, solid relationships and a relationship with God or any other supernatural entity. These are all important aspects of personal security but with this article, I would like to reflect on a deeper and even more personal dimension of personal security. This dimension of personal security explores our relationship with our mind, our relationship with our emotions and very importantly, our relationship with our body, throughout our entire lives. I believe this dimension of personal security lays the foundation for how we experience every other dimension of personal security in our lives.

What is the end goal of achieving personal security? The obvious answer is to feel safe. To feel safe where? In order for us to feel safe anywhere in the world, we must begin by feeling safe within our own bodies. All insecurity manifests from the illusion of not feeling safe within ourselves. Your body is both your vessel to experience the world, as well as your entire world. If you do not feel comfortable within yourself, you will never feel comfortable (alone) anywhere else, therefore, your body is the most important domain to protect. Why is it important for your body to feel safe? It is important for your body to feel safe in order for you to function at your highest level in every aspect of your life. Feeling safe within our body is perceived as confidence, happiness, courage, intelligence, mastery, seductiveness, beauty, charm and many other great positive things. When our body feels safe it is easier for us to manifest the quality of life that we desire.

 

The big problem for me with personal security, is that at the beginning of our lives, our personal security is completely out of our own control. We are born as infants and our entire personal security is entrusted to the hands of our parents, family members, caretakers and community. Let us call this group of people, “Group X.”  We develop our initial concepts of personal security from Group X and how Group X makes us feel from birth, all through our childhood, adolescence stage and even up until we become adults. Group X is by far the most important group in shaping our core concepts of personal security, which influences whether or not we feel safe within our own body. The fact that we do not begin life being in charge of our own personal security means that we either begin with an advantage or a disadvantage in regards to feeling safe within our own selves and in the world! We start off life with zero language, zero knowledge, and zero power to set our own boundaries, that will allow us to feel safe within ourselves and in our interactions with everyone else.

It is during this stage of development that a lot of damage tends to be done to a lot of people and it takes intentional self-work and access to the right information and tools, to ever heal from the experiences. This is where coaching alliances and therapy can offer massive value in helping adults gain deeper insight, into life experiences that shape their feelings of personal security. We must spend time alone with ourselves, asking the right questions, meditating and listening to our body in order to truly discover what it needs to feel safe.

Here are 10 powerful questions you can ask yourself to discover how your Group X has influenced your core concepts and beliefs of personal security:

  1. Did I feel loved unconditionally by Group X? (did I only feel loved when I pleased them even when pleasing them didn’t please me?)
  2. Did I feel protected by Group X? (Did I feel they protected me from physical, emotional, spiritual and mental intrusion?)
  3. Did I feel accepted by Group X?
  4. Did I feel wanted by Group X?
  5. Did I feel safe around Group X?
  6. How did Group X make my body feel? (Did my body feel comfortable, protected and appropriately handled? Did my body ever feel in danger?)
  7. Did I feel restricted by Group X? (Could I be myself around them? Could I express myself to them?)
  8. How did Group X respond or make me feel when I made mistakes?
  9. Did I feel emotionally supported by Group X?
  10. Did group X make me feel validated (Did they make me feel like they were proud of me?)

The level of safety we feel from Group X, determines how we experience the next important group that shapes our concept of personal security. This group includes all figures of authority outside of Group X. Our school teachers, headmasters, sports coaches, school itself, church, government, celebrities and media. Let us call them “Group Y.” This is where the quality of environment and the quality of the culture in the environment become very important on so many levels! The core values, the average standard of living, the economy, the hygiene and aesthetics of the environment, inevitably shape the way Group Y influences our personal security. Using Nigeria as an example, A child growing up in Banana Island Lagos, may naturally feel safer in his environment than a child growing up in Makoko, Yaba. Although aesthetics and quality of environment are not the most important attributes of Group Y, it usually follows that with better quality of environment, comes better core values within the environment.

Within Group Y, one of the most important groups of influencers are the school influencers (teachers, headmasters, school curriculums, housemasters and sports coaches) and the religious influencers (Priests, pastors, catechists, Imams, holy men and holy women.) This group largely determines the social aspect of our personal security with regards to if we feel good enough for society and if we feel safe within society. Their curriculums, doctrines, teachings, systems of value, systems of correction, systems of validation and systems of reward greatly determine our concepts and beliefs of personal security, especially in the early stages of our lives. The degree to which we feel judged or accepted by this people and the degree to which we feel validated or invalidated by this people, also greatly affects our feelings of personal security.

Here are 10 powerful questions you can ask yourself to discover how your Group Y has influenced your core concepts and beliefs of personal security:

  1. How did school make me feel as a child? (nursery, primary and secondary school especially)
  2. How did I feel around school authorities? (head masters, teachers, sports coaches)
  3. How did my school curriculum make me feel? (classwork and homework)
  4. How did quizzes, tests and examinations make me feel?
  5. How did school authorities make me feel about my intellect and talents?
  6. How did church or mosque (or any other place of worship) make me feel growing up?
  7. How did I feel about my country’s president and leaders?
  8. Did I feel validated by Group Y?
  9. Did I feel encouraged/supported by Group Y?
  10. How did Group Y respond when I made mistakes?

The next (extremely important) group of people who help shape our concepts of personal security from an early age is our “Group Z.” This group includes our peer groups, childhood friendships, and our first intimate relationships. Outside of family, they largely influence the way we view and feel about ourselves. Our relationship with and experience of our Group X greatly influences our experience and relationship with our Group Z. The better and more solid our experience of Group X is, the less dependent we will be on our Group Z for personal security. In cases where individuals have a negative experience of Group X, the desire for their Group Z to satisfy their needs of personal security becomes a lot stronger. The people we call friends are usually people who closely reflect our inner values, beliefs and interests. They are like a mirror through which we can see how the world sees us. How this group of people view us, speak to us, treat us and make us feel, greatly shapes how we will grow up feeling about ourselves for a major part of our lives, until we learn to become accountable for our own well-being. Group Z influences our self-image, our self-confidence, our level of self-love, our level of trust, our behaviours, our trends, our systems of value and self-validation. The quality of Group Y also comes into play here because it is supposed to provide a layer of structure, boundaries and protection in the interactions within Group Z.

Here are 10 powerful questions you can ask yourself to discover how your Group Z has influenced your core concepts and beliefs of personal security:

  1. Did I feel heard and seen by Group Z?
  2. Did I feel accepted by Group Z?
  3. How did I feel around Group Z?
  4. Did I feel respected by Group Z?
  5. How did Group Z make me feel about my body? (self-image, appearance and how you sound)
  6. How did Group Z make me feel about my intellect and talent?
  7. How did Group Z make me feel about my family background?
  8. How did Group Z make me feel about being myself? (how you behaved naturally)
  9. On a scale of 1-10, how much did I trust Group Z?
  10. On a scale of 1-10 how much disappointment did I experience from Group Z?

 Credit: Getty Images/iStockphoto

Now that we have discussed the major issues with personal security and the major groups that shape our experience of personal security, how do we get to feel safe? The journey to feeling safe is a journey of self-awareness, which begins with us deciding to take accountability for our own well-being as adults. We must find a way to break free from the influence and control of Groups X, Y, and Z. The more you detach from the influence and control of Group XYZ, the more you to begin to know yourself, to think for yourself, to set healthy boundaries and to truly express your truest intentions in line with your life purpose. How do we achieve this when we may already be starting with foundational disadvantages? We achieve this by connecting with the master group! This group remains hidden to majority of the world because they never delve deep enough into their journey of self-discovery and self-awareness. They don’t have the right mentorship, support or community so they give up before their journey bears fruits. This master group I like to call “Group Alpha.” This group includes God (the supreme creator), your soul (master/creative mind), nature and abundance (money, success and supply). The relationship we develop with this group supersedes any and every other relationship we have with other groups. It is through developing a solid relationship with this group that we can rewrite our entire experience of personal security and install the settings we desire to have, for our highest level of safety and well-being.

Once we become adults, we are no longer powerless to set the right boundaries for us to achieve personal security. We must desire it for ourselves and demand it from the world in order for us to ever experience it in our reality.  We must take our power back by deciding to become accountability for our own well-being and no longer depending on Group XYZ to provide it for us.

Taking accountability for your well-being is the gateway to building a solid relationship with Group Alpha. We embark on this journey of accountability by:

  • Choosing to spend more time alone with ourselves, asking the right questions, meditating, listening to our master mind, praying, journaling and observing our own patterns. The more we listen in silence the clearer we receive God’s guidance. But in order to know the creator you can’t see, you must commit to knowing yourself (the creator you can see) completely!
  • Choosing to learn about our body and emotions, finding out what they require and honoring them
  • Choosing to reflect on past experiences in order to validate how we felt about them whether or not they were validated by the world
  • Choosing to learn what we deeply desire outside of external influences and to believe that our desires are valid
  • Choosing to affirm and love ourselves everyday
  • Choosing to build consistency with our body through healthy spiritual, physical and emotional routines. The more consistent we are with these routines the more self-trust and confidence we build
  • Choosing to spend time in nature, contemplating, meditating and listening to/feeling the vibrations around us
  • Choosing to discover our talents and gifts and to do our best to express them to the full

We need personal security to live authentically, and those who think, speak and live authentically, get what they desire. Most times it is not that people don’t value us, it is that we don’t value ourselves. And most times it is not that we do not value ourselves, it’s that we do not feel safe enough or worthy enough to feel valuable.

Finally, how does your body feel about you? If your body was a friend or acquaintance in your life, how do you think it would feel about you? Sit down in a quiet place, ask your body these questions and listen to what comes to mind. Write it down.

Check out my book “21 Affirmations: Igniting a positive mental reset” for action steps you can take to “Check in with yourself” in every area of your life. I am currently running a “Self-help package promo” where you can purchase the 21 Affirmations eBook and the well-being toolkit for just $15 (N12,000) only!

The “Well-being tool kit” works as a self-coaching manual for observing and managing the action steps for manifesting your highest level of well-being! It works hand in hand as a playbook for the book 21 Affirmation, and includes detailed work sheets for doing the activities in it.

 

Link to purchase and download: 21 AFFIRMATIONS SELF-HELP PACKAGE

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Blink

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Self identity & the importance of Ancestry

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Self-identity and the importance of Ancestry

In my life time, another unfortunate result of colonization I have witnessed, is the unconscious disconnect from self-identity it has caused my people. In my opinion, the most important factor that contributes to an individual’s self-identity, is their ancestry! Your ancestry is your family history, a record of where your ancestors originated from, tracing their descendants down to your immediate parents.

What thoughts come to mind when you think of your ancestors? Does that train of thought ever cross your mind? Do you think it is important to know about your ancestors or do you believe this is a form of backwardness? I would admit, for many years of my life, I remained very ignorant about my ancestors, and the significance of knowing about them, caring about them and honoring them. Our school curriculums did not encourage us to value our national history before colonization, and the religions imposed on us programmed us to look at our own cultures, customs and spiritual practices as backward, demonic and evil. Even our Nollywood movies teach us to equate our culture with voodoo and evil, and never good virtues and character. Good character and virtue are usually attributed to the village pastor while evil and malice are attributed to the village native doctor. Since history is always written by the victors, we have never received accurate accounts of who our ancestors really were, the struggles they faced and the battles they won and lost.

The image of ancestors that was painted for many Nigerians, is an image of weakness, backwardness, barbarity, evil and divisiveness. We are told stories that you do not want to be associated with and that you cannot be inspired by! We are not told stories of triumphant and victorious warriors, of men and woman of the highest virtue, of innovators and creators. But there is no society that can thrive for thousands of years without such men and woman! Growing up as a Nigerian and a catholic, you spend most of your life learning about the greatness and holiness of foreigners. You learn about the lives of a plethora of saints, explorers, scientists, philosophers and inventors, predominantly from Europe. And one can’t help but ask, what were my ancestors doing? It is until you begin to go deeper into your search for knowledge about yourself and your culture that you realize that a lot of the true information has been suppressed or falsified. You will realize that it was always the colonial plan to limit your knowledge about your culture, your history and yourself, in order to control you and manipulate your resources.

A man who does not respect his own ancestry, will not respect his own identity and a man who does not respect his own identity, will not respect his own ideas and a man who does not respect his own ideas, will not invent or create- Kome Nelson Agose

By the time I was born, the only grandparent still alive, was my grandmother on my mum’s side. I had a decent relationship with her even though she lived in a different state and we didn’t see often. I am grateful I was able to witness her alive, interact with her and eat her cooking. I only wish I had the chance to ask her many more questions about my family history before she passed away last year on May 18th, 2022. It wasn’t until her passing and my 1st hand experience of her burial ceremony, that it finally clicked in my head why it was so important to honor our ancestors and to keep their memories alive. Ancestors are not random spirits in the sky, these are your actual parents and their genes (life force and data) are also within you. Without these people you would not be here to experience the abundance of life that the creator has in store for you. They possess the physical, emotional, mental, sexual, and even financial historical data of the person you are today. Their nutrition, cultures, customs, spirituality, environment, hygiene, and life experiences all contribute to shape your identity and having knowledge of these areas help you to navigate life with less resistance. They also had to go through unimaginable struggles to procreate and to survive through difficult times in order for you to be alive to witness today. Many fought battles, survived famines, oppression, invasions and other horrors in order to live and procreate. They deserve to be respected, revered and honored for the sacrifices they made. They do not deserve the neglect and insults that they suffer from us on a nationwide scale! If you have no access to information about their lives and about who they were, it makes it more difficult to fully understand yourself, your patterns, your strengths, your weaknesses, your resources, your gifts and your predispositions. It is why we lack direction as a nation. We either no longer care about this information or no longer have accurate access to it.

Reflecting on my grandmother’s life, the struggles she had to face as a young girl in a polygamous marriage and as a mother, inspired me to want to learn more about my other grandparents on both sides. I began to ask my parents questions in order to map out my ancestry as far back as I could. I was able to go back about 10 generations on my mother’s side but I could only go as far as 2 generations so far on my father’s side due to the influence of the Catholic faith. Our family connections to the traditions before Christianity were severed and as such, a lot of useful information lost, simply because no one saw the inherent value in it or saw it as evil or backward! I cannot blame them for this because of the level of deception, destruction and fear the colonizers brought into the land and to anyone who opposed their wishes. I was able to find accurate accounts of the origin of my dad’s tribe as well as in-depth information about our cultures, customs and spirituality which gave me massive insight into why we are who we are as people today.

 

It is important to be able to look at each generation with the standards of judgement from their own particular generation and not with the standards of a future or past one. I am saying this for everyone to note that there has never been a perfect generation anywhere in the world and that truth and innovation are always revealed in more detail in the future, than they were in the past. Therefore, it is important to be able to forgive your ancestors for any ignorance or lack of information they must have had and to trust that they did the best they could with the information they had! This allows you to be able to observe all of their patterns without judgment which would give you a wider perspective for understanding and a deeper appreciation for who they were as people. 

The more you learn about who your ancestors were and their life stories, the more you feel a connection to them. The more connected you feel to them the more you will respect them and desire to keep their memory alive in thought, words and actions! Even the bible commands that Christians should honor their mothers and fathers so that it will be well with them. If this is a natural law, does our neglect, disdain and borderline disrespect of our ancestors attract any retribution to our nation? Our adopted religions have diverted our focus from our ancestors and ancestral lands, to foreign ancestors and ancestral lands. We neglect our own parents while honoring their own! We learn about their names, their lives and achievements. We pray for them, sing songs about them, honor them and build statues for them. This is why we respect and revere foreigners, particularly the Europeans and Arabs, more than we do ourselves and our own ancestors! This is also why we feel little to no connection to each other and to our ancestral lands, and can let whoever come in and take whatever they want from it. It is almost like we have forgotten/lost our place in the world. We trust outsiders more than we trust ourselves, individually and collectively.

Ever since making these discoveries a year ago, I have been praying to God to reveal healthy and true ways to honor my ancestors and align with them. The very first step I was led to was asking my parents and family members questions, finding out their names, when they died, how they lived, what type of spirituality they practiced, and even the cause of their death. I wanted to know both the good and the bad. I was also led to read about both my cultures, my mum is from a royal Benin family, while my dad is Isoko. I began to pray for my ancestors and to speak to them through words of affirmation in my heart. I started to let them know that I forgive them for whatever misdeed they may have committed based on the misinformation they had, I let them know that I love them and I am proud of them and I also let them know that more truth about life has been revealed in my time. Most importantly, I constantly remind them, while calling their actual names, that I am grateful for them sharing the gift of life with me!  Instead of looking up to catholic saints and foreigners who aren’t part of my bloodline, I have been asking my own ancestors to intercede for me, to reveal life patterns and past mistakes to me that I may be repeating, to reveal hidden strengths, skills and talents that I may be unaware of and to keep me aligned with my divine purpose.

Ever since I embarked on this journey, I have been growing exponentially in self-knowledge, knowledge of life, in understanding my gifts, my triggers and my strengths, and in overcoming various limitations I had been facing in life. I have been healing areas of myself by observing the patterns within my ancestry and choosing to respond in a different way in this present life time. I have been doing all of this out of love and faith but It wasn’t until Last Saturday that I received my biggest confirmation with an extraordinary sign!

On Saturday, January 7th 2023, I went to Tarkwa Bay beach in Lagos, for my first camping trip of the year. I go camping at Tarkwa bay whenever I need a hard reset, need some deep reflection or deep connection with my soul through nature. The silvery sands, the sound of the water crashing on the rocks, the beautiful trees and scenery, provide the perfect environment for one to achieve perfect connection with God and with self. The Lagos city life is noisy and chaotic, constant interaction with it without any deliberate unplug from it quickly leads one to a state of confusion and frustration. Going to the beach is one of the most affordable ways to unplug and to find peace and clarity within Lagos. Camping on the beach is one of the most amazing and deeply fulfilling experiences to have in Lagos, but only true nature lovers and adventurous souls get to experience it. I am usually shocked at how empty the beach is whenever I go camping and on this particular occasion, I had the entire beach front to myself.

I know what you are thinking, is it safe to camp overnight at Tarkwa bay beach? It happens to be one of the safest places in Lagos state, as it an island community of Naval and Military officers. It is secure 24 hours a day and there are also hotels and cabanas available for lodging. I took a banana boat from 6 Walter Carrington Street at about 3PM and it took us 10 minutes to make it to the beach. Once I got to the beach, I spent the evening hiking, swimming in the ocean, stretching, talking with a few friends that I met on the beach and sipping fresh palm wine! It was the perfect way to cool off from the Christmas and New year’s madness in the city. By sun set, the beach began to empty out as most of the regular visitors started heading back to land.

Around 1am in the morning I was praying and honoring my ancestors on the beach in front of the ocean, about 2 meters from where my tent was. It was a full moon and the Orion’s belt constellation was very visible. I called out my ancestors by their names, thanked them for their life’s effort and sacrifices, for all the ways they guide me and fight for me that I am unaware of and reminded them that I am proud to be their descendant. After saying my prayers, I was spinning around in a circle (really out of childish excitement) and pouring the water I had in my hand on the sand and the water made a circle on the ground. Anyone who goes to the beach knows that prints in the sand get covered either by the wind, the water or by other people’s footsteps. At sun rise I woke up to go for a swim in the ocean and to do some more exercises. When I was done stretching other people had started showing up to the beach, including a few other people I know who stopped by to swim in the ocean with me. At this point, I forgot I had made a water circle on the ground after praying for my ancestors specifically, earlier that morning.

On my way back to where my tent was, a friend who had joined me to swim, noticed the shape of a perfect heart on the sand 2 meters away from my tent. She goes “I wonder who drew a heart on the ground” and when I looked, I realized it had been the exact same spot I was standing and honoring my ancestors the night before. Not only did the wind not cover up the water circle splash on the floor, but what was clearly a circle the night before, had become the shape of a heart in the morning almost 9 hours later. I took this as a sign of appreciation from my ancestors and motivation to continue to love and honor their memory!

Nobody cares about the success of your life more than your own bloodline, your own race, your own family, your own parents and your own ancestors. Yes, the human flesh and mind can be corrupted by deception while on earth and each generation is born into a set of lies. But I believe that when we transition back to the world of the spirit, we realign with perfect truth and love. The only way to move forward as an individual or a race is to learn from the past, in order to avoid repeating negative patterns and we can only learn from the past by observing it objectively!  We must be open to learning and removing any fear associated with connecting with our ancestry. Honoring and respecting your ancestors gives more meaning to your life, and it inspires future generations of men and woman to make better contributions within their life time. It gives one a strong sense of belonging and identity knowing all the sacrifices that have been made, for he or she to be here living free and breathing air today.

You must fully honor your ancestors in order to fully honor yourself. Whatever you judge in your ancestors you judge in yourself, because it is from them you get all your genes from. You must fully understand your ancestors in order to understand yourself. The essence and life force of all your ancestors, since the beginning, exists within you. Aligning with this energy gives one access to information from various times and different ages. It is also important to honor our first, ancestor, the mother of all life, THE EARTH! By contemplating her beauty, watering her plants, respecting all life and living according to your purpose in love!

I encourage you to learn more about your ancestry today and to begin to honor their memories more in whatever way that is revealed to you. It will bring extraordinary new insights and opportunities into your life. And do not forget your first ancestor…mother earth!

One love

Blink

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How to make 2023 extraordinary

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How to make 2023 extraordinary Coaching tips on how to plan for a successful year in every area of your life!

Happy new year friends! The download I received for 2023 is that I must be prepared for the extraordinary. I choose to interpret it in positive ways for my life, my family and friends, and for the world. Greatness comes to mind when I think of the number 23. It reminds me of great athletes such as Michael Jordan, Lebron James and David Beckham. And for human life to begin, each parent must contribute 23 chromosomes! So, let me welcome you to the birth of a year of extraordinary blessings and manifestations!

Do you believe being extraordinary is predestined? Do you believe it is reserved for only a few of us human beings? Though we may be born with extraordinary talents and abilities, nobody lives an extraordinary life by chance. Somebody, somewhere, must have willed it to be so. Either you paid the price to live an extraordinary life or someone else is paying the price on your behalf. What you find is that, because most people come from average, to below average or ordinary beginnings, they never place extraordinary demands on their subconscious mind or on the supreme creator. They see an extraordinary life as a far distant reality that is out of their reach, whether it is in career, relationships, well-being, finances or achievements. Most people do not really believe they can have extraordinary experiences in life but would love to have them happen to them. Most end up settling for different forms of escapism (drugs, religious dogma, alcohol, partying, indiscriminate sex etc.) as a substitute for having these extraordinary experiences in life.

We’ve been experiencing extraordinary global events more frequently since the 2019 lockdown. Most people choose to remain focused on the manifestation of extraordinary negative events, but those who have been intentional about harnessing and channeling positive energy, have been experiencing extraordinary manifestations of goodness in their lives. People have manifested new inventions, new businesses, new levels of wealth, successful relationships, marriages, families and more! We will lean into this intentional manifestation of extraordinary goodness in our lives, even more this 2023!

Here are 10 FREE ways we can manifest an extraordinary year in 2023!

  1. Create a compelling vision for your year and make it into a pictorial vision board. This will help you to keep your goals in sight and to remain focused on them. Hang them on the walls of your room or office, where you can see them every single day.
  2. Create a bare minimum daily wellness routine that incorporates movement, conscious breathing and stillness. The focus here is to build consistency not necessarily the level of intensity. Starting with just 10-15 minutes a day is enough to significantly transform your entire year (and life)
  3. Have a daily gratitude practice. Recall at least 3-5 things you are grateful for everyday
  4. Learn to pray in spirit and truth. Learning to see prayer as an open and continuous conversation with the ultimate guidance (God) versus seeing it as a requirement for holiness and receiving blessings
  5. Have a to do list for every day of work and prioritize the most important 3 tasks to be completed for the day (time boxing)
  6. Prioritizing yourself. If there is no you, there is no others. In order to be able to give people the best of ourselves we must be balanced spiritually, mentally, emotionally, financially and physically. Do not sabotage yourself to please anyone. Channel 5 times more love into yourself than you did last year and yes, you deserve it! If you do not prioritize yourself why should anyone prioritize you?
  7. Be more direct in your life, with yourself and with others. Always say what you mean as respectfully and honestly as possible. Confront issues immediately they arise and do not ignore them in hopes that they will go away or someone else will save you
  8. Be clear on what you want (know why you want it) and always ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT. Do not ask for less than you want out of fear of rejection or imposter syndrome
  9. Taking a moment to check in with your body, your mind, your spirit and your finances before you say yes to people even if they are family. A simple “give me a moment to think about this first, I will get back to you” can save you from many unwanted or unnecessary experiences
  10. Prioritizing rest and mindful recharge. Give your mind and body the opportunity to recharge and reconnect with divine alignment

Prayer and Letter of commitment for an extraordinary year

I am extraordinary, I cannot live by regular standards and I must maintain stronger boundaries. I accept I am extraordinary, I am set apart, therefore, I must move differently. Thank you, Creator, for making me extraordinary and giving me the abilities to live an extraordinary life. Guide me along the journey of discovering the fullness of my extraordinary gifts and abilities, give me the patience to nurture them and the perseverance to master them.  I commit to doing the best I can each day to live an extraordinary life. I commit to believing in myself and to trusting all that the creator reveals along the journey. I commit to holding myself accountable. I commit to being patient and gentle with myself.

21 Affirmations for an extraordinary 2023

  1. I am extraordinary
  2. My life is extraordinary
  3. My blessings are extraordinary
  4. My love is extraordinary
  5. My grace is extraordinary
  6. My favor is extraordinary
  7. My relationships are extraordinary
  8. My experiences are extraordinary
  9. My intuition is extraordinary
  10. My vision is extraordinary
  11. My discipline is extraordinary
  12. My intelligence is extraordinary
  13. My talent is extraordinary
  14. My alignment with the creator is extraordinary
  15. My manifestations are extraordinary
  16. I do extraordinary things
  17. I get paid extraordinarily well
  18. My finances are extraordinary
  19. My goals and visions are extraordinary
  20. I achieve extraordinary things
  21. The creator performs extraordinary miracles through me

Finally, I believe that one becomes extraordinary, when they do what they were born to do or what they are passionate about with maximum love and without fear. I wish you an extraordinary year ahead. I will be giving out a FREE vision tool for creating a vision board for an extraordinary year in the WhatsApp community! Join to get yourself a free copy!

One love

Coach Blink @supremekingblink

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Avoiding self-sabotage during Christmas

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Avoiding self-sabotage during Christmas

The end of the year is a very emotional time for most adults. It is usually a time when we take stock of how the year has gone for us, to reflect on the goals we set out to achieve in different areas of our lives and to account for how well we believe we have done. It is also a season of festivals and celebration, but the state of affairs in our business and personal lives usually set the tone for how we participate in these events. During this season, advertisers and marketers try to achieve as much sales as possible by appealing to our insatiable desires to consume more than we actually need. Everywhere online and offline, you find Christmas promotions for events, gifts and things to spend money on, for yourself and your loved ones. In our current society it is normal to feel an increase in our desires and needs as we move closer to the festive season. It is important to be mindful of all these external dynamics at play, that also affect how you feel about yourself during the end of year season.

During this season, the average adult is thinking about the following things:

  • How much they achieved or didn’t achieve (weighing out effort versus results)
  • How much money they have made that year
  • If they made enough money to satisfy their Christmas responsibilities, desires and expectations
  • Gifts to get or things to do to reward themselves (new clothes, gadgets, vacations, events)
  • Gifts to reward the people they care about in life (parents, children, siblings, friends, partners)
  • Fulfilling expectations of other people’s needs (partner, family etc.)
  • Dealing with thoughts of not doing enough or being enough
  • Dealing with FOMO (fear of missing out)

In essence, it becomes easy for us to focus on lack, the things we were not able to achieve, the things we cannot afford to do or buy, or the people we would be unable to please, instead of really focusing on ourselves and reflecting on the important details of our year. It also becomes very easy for us to judge ourselves in comparison to other people and how their own end of year is looking, without knowing the full details of their year.

As adults, it is very important for us to have a clear view of how our lives are going to ensure we are proceeding in the right direction, and in order to get an accurate picture, we CANNOT only focus on the negatives. We must become great at becoming aware of the small and big positives in our lives while being objective about the negatives as well.  We must become great at analyzing our weaknesses and growth opportunities without invalidating our own efforts and progress.

So how do we get an accurate reflection of our year without self-sabotaging? First, I’ll define “self-sabotage” as behavioral or thought patterns that stop us from achieving the goals we want to achieve in varying areas of our lives. It is possible to have self-sabotaging behaviours in one area of our life and not in others. To begin getting an accurate reflection of the year we must start by looking though our clear filters or lenses (the positive sides) before we begin looking through our darkened filters (the negative sides). Focusing on what we did wrong or what we lack first, leads us towards low confidence, dejection, and demotivation. It doesn’t help us to feel good and it doesn’t inspire us to want to do better. It only slowly builds self hate and a feeling of unworthiness. Focusing on self-appreciation FIRST and observing positive developments allows us to channel love, appreciation and worthiness into ourselves which gives us the motivation to be patient with ourselves as we push towards achieving our goals in life. It also helps us to avoid overcompensating for other people or societies’ expectation of us in the season or in life. We can then carry this feeling of worthiness and love into the goals we would be looking to achieve the following year.

Here are some effective, end of year self-reflection questions we can ask ourselves to enable self-appreciation and self-development without self-sabotage.

5 important self-appreciation questions

  1. What are 3-5 things you should thank YOURSELF for this year
  2. Write down 1 (or more) major areas of your life that you noticed a major improvement in this year
  3. Write down the 5 BIGGEST things you are grateful for this year?
  4. Write down the one thing you are most proud of yourself for in the last year?
  5. Write down the biggest thing you are grateful for overcoming or accomplishing?

5 important self-improvement questions

  1. Write down 3-5 major events that shaped your year
  2. What were your key takeaways from these major events?
  3. What are your 3 biggest personal lessons from the year?
  4. How do you plan to implement these lessons next year?
  5. If you could make only one major improvement to how you live your day to day life next year what would it be?

7 quick tips to avoid self-sabotaging this Christmas

  1. Practicing gratitude and self-appreciation first (recognize all the good you have done this year)
  2. Words of affirmation (shower yourself with positive words and thoughts, thank yourself for the effort you put in)
  3. Acts of kindness and gentleness towards yourself (in thoughts, words and deeds)
  4. Avoid comparison and living up to other people’s expectations
  5. Remembering to prioritize yourself and your needs (especially mentally and emotionally)
  6. Avoid overcompensating for other people’s expectation (have healthy boundaries on your time, energy and finances and do not cross them for anyone)
  7. Avoid FOMO

The only people who aren’t enjoying life are the dead…Be grateful!

One love

Blink

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Balancing your masculine and feminine energy.

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Balancing your masculine and feminine energy.

This article is about balancing ourselves because society is only a reflection of who we are. It discusses how to balance our life forces in order to direct them towards achieving our visions and goals in life. It does not discuss how people choose to express their sexual preferences.

Yes, you read it right. The title says balancing YOUR masculine and feminine energy. We live in a time where the gender categories are constantly being expanded and the lines between what society used to define as sex, “Male” and “Female,” are constantly being blurred.  My best understanding of today’s approach to sex and gender is that its definition and expression are completely up to the individual to construct for themselves and not up to society. I was born in the late 80’s and while I was growing up I was taught at home, school and in church that there were 2 sexes and 2 genders. Male equals man, which equals no pregnancy and child bearing. Female equals woman, which equals pregnancy and child bearing. The major thing separating the sexes physiologically (male from female) were their sexual reproductive organs. Growing up, my society also modeled 2 major gender expressions or gender roles for me, masculine and feminine. Masculinity was expressed as hard, aggressive, strong, confident, initiating, and stern etc. While femininity was expressed as soft, amiable, submissive, attractive, patient and affectionate. Within the family, in movies, on television, in sports, in church and in school, the sex defined as male traditionally played the masculine role, while the sex defined as female traditionally played the feminine role.  Choosing to express gender attributes of the opposite sex was usually scrutinized, frowned upon or completely forbidden. The summary of my family background is a western-influenced, African up bringing predominantly shaped by the catholic beliefs.

“Gender is a dynamic concept and an analytic category that demonstrates two main ideas. Firstly, the stereotypes, ideologies, behaviours and lifestyles conventionally associated with feminine and masculine vary considerably from one culture to another. Secondly, women and men are not universal and unalterable essences, but rather specific existences, changing and far from uniform.” – Óscar Fernández-Álvarez “Non-Hegemonic Masculinity against Gender Violence” click here to read full article

Organizing society along the lines of 2 sexes and 2 genders, and compelling each sex to being defined by only one corresponding gender expression may have seemed a lot simpler, but it came with consequences that have shaped the world in very unstable ways. A patriarchal society defined by strict adherence to 2 gender expressions justified a lot of marginalization, abuse and oppression of both men and women. I cannot deny that I have witnessed the abuse of masculinity in my life time, particularly as pertaining to its definition as forceful and dominant by society. I have witnessed how this abuse of masculine power has destroyed the balance of sexes, family, community, economies, nations, animals and even nature. I have also witnessed how this abuse of power has heavily marginalized women (and by nature, all life) which has also had a negative effect on the development of women as a survival response to the world that they find themselves in. I have observed that majority of women in the world do not feel a sense of safety being in this world. I have witnessed the excessive use of masculine power to abuse, marginalize and emasculate other men, for example the millions of incarcerated black male citizens in America. We can clearly see the energy imbalances in the way we have organized society for at least the last millennium, based off recorded history. In order for society to be balanced, we as human beings must come to a state of balance within our individual selves.

How do we come to this balance within ourselves and why is it important for us in the world we live in today?

First, we must understand masculinity and femininity as expressions of life force (energy) that aren’t limited by sexual identity. This means that man, woman or other can express masculinity or femininity and can move between a range of expressing either characteristics of those energies. Expanding our understanding of gender expressions from just rigid performances of specific roles, to free-flowing expressions of life force, gives us a more balanced and wholistic experience of human life regardless of what sex we identify with! We will begin to experience greater levels of harmony within ourselves, our affairs, our relationships and our communities. We see this concept in the Yin (feminine) Yang (masculine) ideologies of the Asian cultures and in finding the balance between the heart (Feminine) and the mind (masculine) in the biblical texts. We also hear of the concept of left brain (Masculine) and right brain (feminine) in psychology. Neither expression of life force is more important than the other and a properly developed individual learns to balance both within themselves.

The body is only a vessel through which our life force (soul) experiences life on earth. Our vessel contains elements of unlimited life force (soul energy) that can express both masculinity and femininity. Society plays a major role in defining how these energies are expressed by individuals within each sexual identity by defining the acceptable customs and norms.

The more liberated a society is the more freedom there is in the individual and collective expression of the full range of life force (masculinity and femininity) and the more oppressed a society is the less freedom there is in the individual and collective expression of the full range of life force.

Second, we must become aware of the patterns of life force (soul energy) our body has tried to express since birth. In order to do this, we must observe the whole of ourselves and our lives without judgement and outside of the lenses of societies definitions of gender expression.

I observed within myself, that since I was a child, I have always been open, accommodating and friendly. I have always had a nonthreatening and welcoming energy. I was also very athletic, energetic, creative, aggressively ambitious and determined. I channeled my aggression into sports and competition. I loved to compete and win but not by any means. I could stand up for myself and assert myself but I never had a natural desire to dominate anyone. I was very impatient, I wanted to do everything as fast as possible and I didn’t care too much about appearance (grooming). I had a passion for sports and science and I also had passion for arts and spirituality! Overall, I observed that my expressions of masculinity over powered my expressions of femininity but I had a healthy expression of both that could be nurtured for higher levels of well-being, personal effectiveness and success.

Based on a none-judgmental observation of myself, from childhood till early adulthood, I have been able to observe the patterns of masculine and feminine energy my body has desired to express in order to be able to develop and fine tune them to fit the needs of the goals I desire to achieve with my life. Becoming aware of these patterns of energy expression allows us to become more aware of our purpose in life and how best to use our gifts. The more aligned we are to our purpose the more effective we are in balancing our masculine and feminine energy. The journey of bringing this balance of life expression into different areas of my life has been allowing me to consistently achieve better results within them.  

Being aware that I was predisposed to being open, accommodating and friendly, I had to learn to create and uphold better boundaries to protect myself (and the people I am responsible for) from being taken advantage of in life. It also allowed me to enhance my focus, my peace and my self-worth. Being aware that I liked to do everything fast I have had to learn to practice patience in my self-grooming, my work, my relationship with self and my relationship with other people in order to grow in life. The masculine tendency of wanting to explode with speed had to be balanced with the feminine tendency to flow gracefully. Learning to be more aware of my tone while speaking and to be more open to listening and giving others the opportunity to initiate interaction. This has allowed me to have better conversations and to achieve more in my personal life and in business. Being aware that I was predisposed to not caring too much about my appearance, I have had to put a lot more effort into becoming aware of my personal grooming, personal hygiene and style. Being nonchalant about my appearance did not completely hinder me from receiving love and attention but I have been having better experiences and results since I started to mature into making those changes as I became more aware of them.

Having discovered I was naturally more developed in my expressions of masculinity, I had to learn to balance myself by focusing on developing (fine-tuning) my expressions of femininity. Strengthening these areas of myself allowed me to bring more balance to the whole of my personality, to gain greater mastery of myself expression and to have a better all-round life experience.

Learning to balance my masculine and feminine energy has taught me how to be both the lover and the beloved. It has allowed me to become a lot more accountable to myself while also becoming gentler, more loving and understanding with myself and others! Within intimate relationships, it is has allowed me to better observe and fulfill the needs of my partner without any sense of entitlement or judgment. It allows me to see myself and others as a diverse and beautiful work in progress rather than a rigid strive for perfection. It has given me the tools to discover deeper layers of self-expression which has led me to greater expressions of my gifts and more fulfilling experiences of life.

Bringing balance to your expression of masculine and feminine energy enables you to observe life situations without premeditated or predetermined judgements defined by entities outside of the situation. It allows you to see life objectively, zoomed out from just the view of culture and the influences of your immediate environment.

We should seek to understand which characteristic of life force a particular situation requires and be able to direct the characteristic within ourselves that best resonates with the situation rather than responding with predefined templates defined by entities outside the particular situation (society, culture etc.). This I believe should be the mark of true human intelligence.

 

One love

Blink.

 

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