This article is about balancing ourselves because society is only a reflection of who we are. It discusses how to balance our life forces in order to direct them towards achieving our visions and goals in life. It does not discuss how people choose to express their sexual preferences.

Yes, you read it right. The title says balancing YOUR masculine and feminine energy. We live in a time where the gender categories are constantly being expanded and the lines between what society used to define as sex, “Male” and “Female,” are constantly being blurred.  My best understanding of today’s approach to sex and gender is that its definition and expression are completely up to the individual to construct for themselves and not up to society. I was born in the late 80’s and while I was growing up I was taught at home, school and in church that there were 2 sexes and 2 genders. Male equals man, which equals no pregnancy and child bearing. Female equals woman, which equals pregnancy and child bearing. The major thing separating the sexes physiologically (male from female) were their sexual reproductive organs. Growing up, my society also modeled 2 major gender expressions or gender roles for me, masculine and feminine. Masculinity was expressed as hard, aggressive, strong, confident, initiating, and stern etc. While femininity was expressed as soft, amiable, submissive, attractive, patient and affectionate. Within the family, in movies, on television, in sports, in church and in school, the sex defined as male traditionally played the masculine role, while the sex defined as female traditionally played the feminine role.  Choosing to express gender attributes of the opposite sex was usually scrutinized, frowned upon or completely forbidden. The summary of my family background is a western-influenced, African up bringing predominantly shaped by the catholic beliefs.

“Gender is a dynamic concept and an analytic category that demonstrates two main ideas. Firstly, the stereotypes, ideologies, behaviours and lifestyles conventionally associated with feminine and masculine vary considerably from one culture to another. Secondly, women and men are not universal and unalterable essences, but rather specific existences, changing and far from uniform.” – Óscar Fernández-Álvarez “Non-Hegemonic Masculinity against Gender Violence” click here to read full article

Organizing society along the lines of 2 sexes and 2 genders, and compelling each sex to being defined by only one corresponding gender expression may have seemed a lot simpler, but it came with consequences that have shaped the world in very unstable ways. A patriarchal society defined by strict adherence to 2 gender expressions justified a lot of marginalization, abuse and oppression of both men and women. I cannot deny that I have witnessed the abuse of masculinity in my life time, particularly as pertaining to its definition as forceful and dominant by society. I have witnessed how this abuse of masculine power has destroyed the balance of sexes, family, community, economies, nations, animals and even nature. I have also witnessed how this abuse of power has heavily marginalized women (and by nature, all life) which has also had a negative effect on the development of women as a survival response to the world that they find themselves in. I have observed that majority of women in the world do not feel a sense of safety being in this world. I have witnessed the excessive use of masculine power to abuse, marginalize and emasculate other men, for example the millions of incarcerated black male citizens in America. We can clearly see the energy imbalances in the way we have organized society for at least the last millennium, based off recorded history. In order for society to be balanced, we as human beings must come to a state of balance within our individual selves.

How do we come to this balance within ourselves and why is it important for us in the world we live in today?

First, we must understand masculinity and femininity as expressions of life force (energy) that aren’t limited by sexual identity. This means that man, woman or other can express masculinity or femininity and can move between a range of expressing either characteristics of those energies. Expanding our understanding of gender expressions from just rigid performances of specific roles, to free-flowing expressions of life force, gives us a more balanced and wholistic experience of human life regardless of what sex we identify with! We will begin to experience greater levels of harmony within ourselves, our affairs, our relationships and our communities. We see this concept in the Yin (feminine) Yang (masculine) ideologies of the Asian cultures and in finding the balance between the heart (Feminine) and the mind (masculine) in the biblical texts. We also hear of the concept of left brain (Masculine) and right brain (feminine) in psychology. Neither expression of life force is more important than the other and a properly developed individual learns to balance both within themselves.

The body is only a vessel through which our life force (soul) experiences life on earth. Our vessel contains elements of unlimited life force (soul energy) that can express both masculinity and femininity. Society plays a major role in defining how these energies are expressed by individuals within each sexual identity by defining the acceptable customs and norms.

The more liberated a society is the more freedom there is in the individual and collective expression of the full range of life force (masculinity and femininity) and the more oppressed a society is the less freedom there is in the individual and collective expression of the full range of life force.

Second, we must become aware of the patterns of life force (soul energy) our body has tried to express since birth. In order to do this, we must observe the whole of ourselves and our lives without judgement and outside of the lenses of societies definitions of gender expression.

I observed within myself, that since I was a child, I have always been open, accommodating and friendly. I have always had a nonthreatening and welcoming energy. I was also very athletic, energetic, creative, aggressively ambitious and determined. I channeled my aggression into sports and competition. I loved to compete and win but not by any means. I could stand up for myself and assert myself but I never had a natural desire to dominate anyone. I was very impatient, I wanted to do everything as fast as possible and I didn’t care too much about appearance (grooming). I had a passion for sports and science and I also had passion for arts and spirituality! Overall, I observed that my expressions of masculinity over powered my expressions of femininity but I had a healthy expression of both that could be nurtured for higher levels of well-being, personal effectiveness and success.

Based on a none-judgmental observation of myself, from childhood till early adulthood, I have been able to observe the patterns of masculine and feminine energy my body has desired to express in order to be able to develop and fine tune them to fit the needs of the goals I desire to achieve with my life. Becoming aware of these patterns of energy expression allows us to become more aware of our purpose in life and how best to use our gifts. The more aligned we are to our purpose the more effective we are in balancing our masculine and feminine energy. The journey of bringing this balance of life expression into different areas of my life has been allowing me to consistently achieve better results within them.  

Being aware that I was predisposed to being open, accommodating and friendly, I had to learn to create and uphold better boundaries to protect myself (and the people I am responsible for) from being taken advantage of in life. It also allowed me to enhance my focus, my peace and my self-worth. Being aware that I liked to do everything fast I have had to learn to practice patience in my self-grooming, my work, my relationship with self and my relationship with other people in order to grow in life. The masculine tendency of wanting to explode with speed had to be balanced with the feminine tendency to flow gracefully. Learning to be more aware of my tone while speaking and to be more open to listening and giving others the opportunity to initiate interaction. This has allowed me to have better conversations and to achieve more in my personal life and in business. Being aware that I was predisposed to not caring too much about my appearance, I have had to put a lot more effort into becoming aware of my personal grooming, personal hygiene and style. Being nonchalant about my appearance did not completely hinder me from receiving love and attention but I have been having better experiences and results since I started to mature into making those changes as I became more aware of them.

Having discovered I was naturally more developed in my expressions of masculinity, I had to learn to balance myself by focusing on developing (fine-tuning) my expressions of femininity. Strengthening these areas of myself allowed me to bring more balance to the whole of my personality, to gain greater mastery of myself expression and to have a better all-round life experience.

Learning to balance my masculine and feminine energy has taught me how to be both the lover and the beloved. It has allowed me to become a lot more accountable to myself while also becoming gentler, more loving and understanding with myself and others! Within intimate relationships, it is has allowed me to better observe and fulfill the needs of my partner without any sense of entitlement or judgment. It allows me to see myself and others as a diverse and beautiful work in progress rather than a rigid strive for perfection. It has given me the tools to discover deeper layers of self-expression which has led me to greater expressions of my gifts and more fulfilling experiences of life.

Bringing balance to your expression of masculine and feminine energy enables you to observe life situations without premeditated or predetermined judgements defined by entities outside of the situation. It allows you to see life objectively, zoomed out from just the view of culture and the influences of your immediate environment.

We should seek to understand which characteristic of life force a particular situation requires and be able to direct the characteristic within ourselves that best resonates with the situation rather than responding with predefined templates defined by entities outside the particular situation (society, culture etc.). This I believe should be the mark of true human intelligence.

One love

Blink.

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